Does This Earring Match My Baboon Pelt?
by Therapy Ai
Summary: Seriously guys, it was all for an earring. Sango puts down her oversized block of wood, Miroku learns that he can actually accept that a girl accepted his offer, and Inuyasha runs through the fields with Kikyou while Naraku is busy having fun with Sesshy.


Considering I think Inuyasha is extremly unrealistic, I've decided to add my own twist to it: Oh yeah, lemon ai.therapy version! This is from Naraku's perspective.

So one day Kagome fell down a well and this centipide tried to kill her, or maybe the woman was just looking for a young lass in her life. She ran, and then found this beautiful, smoking hot dead man pinned to a tree. The centipide came, so she decided to dishonor this gentlemen's body by pulling the arrow out that was pinning him, but it turned out that the guy wasn't really dead.

He started yelling all this nonsense and cursing at her, but secretly, all that cursing and dominance was really turning Kagome on. This old hag and her goonie townfolk came around and started getting killed by the centepide, but the smoking guy killed it before it could kill too many townies.

Fast forward a couple weeks, maybe a few months later, they pick up this man named Miroku who Kagome secretly really liked. She wished that one day he would stop hiding in the bushes and just come out to take her. Of course, Inuyasha was hopeless. As hot as he was, it was always as if he was only looking for someone elses' skirt, not hers. It was a pity, because she wore a skirt that short just for these kind of occasions.

So, Miroku, Inuyasha, and herself all run into this demon killer that, you guessed it, was really hot to everyone except Inuyasha, stubborn prick that he was. That's right, folks, Kagome is a short skirted teenager—of course she's curious about her sexuality! And, of course, Sango tries to kill Inuyasha. Get it... Demon slayer, half demon? Apparently, the fact he was half human meant nothing to her because apparently he snuck off and killed her whole village.

Hey, and you know what? I might be the puppet master, but I'm just setting the scene and situation, these foolish humans and half demons are making all the chaos themselves! Needless to say, all while this is going on, I snuck off into Sesshoumaru's chamber and had a wonderful lovemaking session with him. Yum. Then I resumed chuckling menacingly in the darkness with nothing under my baboon pelt. Heh—just in case Sesshoumaru drops by for another taste of pure mansmex.

So the stupids blame me, not themselves. They blame me for their stupidity and pure human instict to act without thinking, and don't think once maybe Sango could've just stopped throwing her oversized wooden block to talk it over a nice cup of drugged tea. Just knock the girl out if she won't stop attacking you, start to suck her into the massive tunnel in your hand! If I were Inuyasha, I would've killed the whole lot of them and found myself a nice man to settle down with. Possibley myself, if I may say so.

So, they go around looking for the jewel shards. Seriously, why don't they just keep one or two, put it in Kagome's bra or something, and focus all their time on killing me? They wouldn't go into nearly as much traps and stupid villains, and they would have made me constantly have to move and run. Of course, I just set up the situation, and it is Kagome's fault. And Inuyasha's. Foolish humans. If Inuyasha didn't just kill the damn bird while Kagome watched, instead of shooting an arrow at it, it would've made the whole series better.

Ugh. So in the end, I fucked Jakoutsu and tempted many of my servants to my chambers. Fluffykins is kind of jealous, but he still won't even admit to having anything towards me but the pure desire to throw me against a wall and do the unmentionabley mentionable. Kagome hopped down the well after Inuyasha decided that he didn't really need her help, he'd picked Kikyou. Good, I hated that annoying girl. She always interupted my lines, screaming Inuyasha's name over and over so much that it sounds like she's having a private session with herself! And Sango found a new village, Miroku decided to just give up and actually let a girl accept his offer. Seriously, a lot of girls accepted during their shard hunts, but for some reason he just never did it. Maybe he was testing out to see if males really could get pregnant.

Shippo didn't go off into the future with Kagome like so many like to imagine, he just bunked up with fellow fox folk, sometimes he traveled to Kaede's village. Speaking of that, Kaede and her village are doing pretty nicely, I always liked it there. It's very peaceful, until they think that just because I'm walking in the orchard I'll start a bloody massacare. Those servants of mine are still servants, but they go wherever they want, including Kagura. Truth is, I just wanted the Shikon to puncture a loop onto it, and then, punture that loop into my ear. Yeah, such a round, black gem is very rare in these parts, I just wanted a nice earring. Of course, I guess that power boost during sex is a good thing too. Anyways, Sesshoumaru made it sound like it was.

Ugh. Stupid humans. If only she let me write the story, it would have been so much more interesting! Stupid, stupid girls and boys.


End file.
